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The
only thing worse than the movies on KMTV's "Creature Feature"
is Son of San Guinary's teeth.
Television is home to
plenty of scary sights these days, but few as truly grotesque as
those yellowed, rotting choppers of San Guinary, host of truly awful
horror, fantasy and science-fiction films airing every Saturday
at 10:35 p.m. on Channel 3.
Legend has it - or at
least "Creature Feature's" opening credits say - that
Son of San Guinary is the offspring of Dr. San Guinary, the original
host of "Creature Feature," which aired from 1971 to 1982.
In September, KMTV revived
the program so a new generation of viewers could enjoy the fine
art of mocking C-grade movies made with special effects that could
be produced on an Atari video-game system.
The first Dr. San Guinary
was played by the late John Jones, a KMTV producer. The station
declines to identify the current man behind the makeup.
But one thing is clear:
Dr. San Guinary never spent a dime on his little boy's dental care.
Those things make Austin Powers' grill look like a cover shot for
Dental Hygiene Monthly. One can't help but stare ...
"Hey, my eyes
are up here, pal," says a slightly offended San Guinary before
taping a segment for an upcoming show.
Then he grins and pops
out the false teeth - revealing normal, coffee-stained ivories.
"They are
awful, aren't they?" he says of the prosthetic teeth.
"Somebody
called my wife the other day and said, 'Your husband ought to be
doing that show. I really don't like the one they've got doing it.'
My wife said, 'That is my husband.' The woman says, 'Well, I can't
watch him. I don't like those teeth.'"
Regardless who is behind
the powdered makeup and Coke-bottle glasses, one thing is certain:
Saturday nights are cheesier.
"We thought
this would be something fun for longtime viewers," said producer
Rich "Willard" Wooster, who was among those who decided
to resurrect "Creature Feature." "It's all good,
clean fun. The people who grew up with it like the nostalgia, and
their kids seem to be getting into the movies."
The "Creature Feature"
set at KMTV studios on 108th and L Streets is awash in both nostalgia
and kitschy fun, which appeal to a cult audience.
The background features
a glass of Diet Coke, on the top of which mold has grown - just
the way San Guinary likes it; a sheet-covered dummy with a football
helmet onto which a blond wig has been duct-taped; and Igor, a creepy
black-and-gray hand that reaches through the bars of a cage.
The scripts are handwritten.
Many of the show's sound effects come from stock reels that were
used on the original "Creature Feature" nearly two decades
ago. And at least once during each show, Son of San Guinary shows
clips of "dear ol' Dad."
"It isn't
exactly a big-budget production," Wooster admits as he pours
fake blood on the sheet covering the dummy. "Our motto is 'Semper
Gumby' - always flexible."
KMTV's "Creature
Feature" aired during the golden age of locally produced horror
TV.
In the 1950s, middle
America prospered after World War II and bought television sets.
Demand for TV programming prompted Hollywood studios to sell broadcast
rights to hundreds of films gathering dust in storage vaults.
A popular package of
such films included classic horror flicks by Universal Studios,
including "Dracula," "Frankenstein" and "Night
Monster." Local television stations created spooky TV hosts
who introduced the films to late-night weekend audiences.
The shows proved lucrative
for TV stations: The films were cheap to buy, the shows were cheap
to produce, and they provided an advertising vehicle during hard-to-sell
time slots (usually after 10 p.m. on weekends).
Many of the shows and
their hosts took on cult status, including Elvira, Mistress of the
Dark, the busty host of "Movie Macabre" on KHJ-TV in Los
Angeles, and Count Gore DeVol, a vampire spoof from WDXR-TV in Paducah,
Ky.
In Omaha, the host was
green-faced, jovial mad scientist Dr. San Guinary, who delighted
audiences with bits of slapstick comedy between breaks in B-grade
horror flicks such as "The Horror of the Blood Monster"
and "Vampire Men of the Lost Planet."
In the early to mid-'70s,
at the height of its popularity, "Creature Feature" drew
an estimated 52 percent share of the local audience.
Jones became a well-known
personality even outside of the show, and frequently emceed events
for local charities, including the Labor Day Muscular Dystrophy
telethon.
"Creature
Feature" was canceled in the summer of 1982. Jones died of
cancer at his Ralston home in 1988 at the age of 46.
So, too, passed the format
over which he presided so successfully. By the mid-1980s, the success
of syndicated network programs, such as "M*A*S*H," supplanted
locally produced programming.
But now Son of San Guinary
has risen to avenge horror TV in the Midlands.
"It's not
anything spectacular, but you don't have to pay to see it, do you?"
quips San Guinary. "It's great fun. I'm picking up a few extra
bucks doing what I love."
A recent Thursday taping
drew two audience members to the studio. San Guinary yucked it up
with his fans.
OK, one was Maralace
Gifford, the mother of "Creature Feature" production assistant
Kim Sedidy. Gifford watched the show as a youngster.
"I think it's
great you've brought it back," Gifford told Wooster. "I
think it's great fun. We need more clean, fun things like this on
TV."
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